I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
