Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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