I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
