It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
