we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
