my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
