what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Randomize
