Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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