I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
