my sisters under your porch take her home
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
