Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
