question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
