I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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