This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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