We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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