Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
