He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
