i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
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She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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