I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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