You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
