woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Houston, we have a blender
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
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