Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
