we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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