True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
