M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize