please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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