I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
