found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
