I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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