Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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