Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
