the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
