the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
