I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
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this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
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I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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