You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
