Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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