He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
