I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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