I didn't shave. On purpose
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
