I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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