Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
