I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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