Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize
