so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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