god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
