SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
