hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
