Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
