he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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