I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize