Who wears a wallet chain?!
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
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He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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