I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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