I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Everything about him screamed your future.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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