yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
