remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
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