She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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