all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
