just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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