She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
