my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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