your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
