Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
