i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
