So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
