If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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