We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
