how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
