how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i think i have two assholes
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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