She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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