i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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