She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Randomize
