this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
