everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
