So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
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And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
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Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
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