did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
