By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
