I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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