I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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