walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
