I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
