Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
