I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
