Just cropdusted the office
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
