My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
