They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
we're so committed to being not committed
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
