all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Randomize
